1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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