When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
