Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
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