I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs