a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
