My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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