Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I touched a dick in church today
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
