She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
