yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
50% drunk capacity currently
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
