I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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