At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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