If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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