Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize