She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
