My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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