If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
