Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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