Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
