I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
