apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
