That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
