talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Randomize
