We named our party play list daddy issues
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize