epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I lost the right to judge tonight
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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