The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
