you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
