david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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