I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
