can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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