Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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