he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
