I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
