You just made me feel so damn special
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
