I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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