I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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