i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
