No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
