I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
