Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
