It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
