dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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