Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
