It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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