looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
