So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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