he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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