He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
