that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize