Ambien. No doubt about it.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Text me some of your sweat
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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