Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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