Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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