We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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