Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
