he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
