i can't believe i had my finger in that
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
