If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
So squirting runs in the family.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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