i already hear my dad disowning me
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
