she looked like the before picture.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
