Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
