i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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