How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
