I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
