theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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