Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
