I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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