You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
